PARENTS
& THE CHILD - The U.S. National Institute of Mental
Health asked parents who had raised their children to become well adjusted
and productive adults to offer advice. Here is a summary of responses,
as reprinted in the book "Developing Self-Esteem" by Connie Palladino,
(Crisp Publication, 1989). Items 1 - 11 below were
written by Neil Rosenthal who is a licensed marriage and family therapist
in Denver and Boulder, CO in an article "Parents relate findings on self-esteem,"
(Denver Post, May 21, 1998).
1. Love abundantly - This gives your child a sense of security, belonging and support.
2. Discipline constructively - Give clear direction and enforce limits on your child's behavior.
3. Spend time with your child - Play with them, talk to them, teach them.
4. Give the needs of your mate priority - A husband and wife are more likely to be successful parents when they put their marriage first.
5. Teach your children right from wrong - They need to learn basic values and manners so they will be able to get along with others. Insist that they treat others with kindness, respect, and honesty.
6. Develop mutual respect - Act in respectful ways toward your children. Say "please" and "thank you"; apologize when you are wrong.
7. Listen - Give your children undivided attention and try to understand their point of view.
8. Offer guidance - But be brief. And don't force your opinions on your children.
9. Foster independence - Gradually allow your children more freedom and control over their lives.
10. Expect to make mistakes - Be aware that outside influences such as peer pressure will increase as children mature.
11. Direct criticism at behavior never at the child, reminds Nathaniel Branden in the book "The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem" (Bantam, 1994).
NETN - 12. Added Suggestions to help you Raise a Child - With caution, discretion, and subtle mindedness, keep an inventory of your child's possessions; look for new items acquired, items missing, strange items, and hazardous items. This may help you recognize behavior patterns. For example, the pattern of giving things away, can sometimes indicate a person might be contemplating suicide. A weapon in the drawer could draw several conclusions. Several new pieces of jewelry and a few new shirts might indicate a pattern of shoplifting. Seek help from others - a School Counselor, Principal, or other professionals.
NETN - Added Suggestion 13; to help you Raise a Child - Be sensitive to eating and health habits and considerations.
NETN - Added Suggestion 14; to help you Raise a Child - Know if your child is going through periods of boredom and attempt to do something about it.
NETN - Added Suggestion 15; to help you Raise a Child - Talk confidentially to other family members, teachers, school counselors, and other parents about interests, strengths, weaknesses, good and bad, being revealed by the child.
NETN - Added Suggestion 16; to help you Raise a Child - Do not run down a child's intelligence, morality, character, or worth.
NETN - Added Suggestion 17; to help you Raise a Child - Analyze and evaluate the child's religious progressions, in accordance with whatever religious beliefs the family has established for itself. Public Schools and Government almost totally reserve this subject for the family.
NETN - Added Suggestion 18; to help
you Raise a Child - Help your child with "goal setting principles."
Little day to day goals as well life-long goals are important.
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